It was 50% my idea to start a blog with Brittany, my best friend from college.  I was particularly optimistic as we hiked down that West Texas mountain, but now it has been over a month and I’ve yet to write a single article.  And it’s not that I don’t have content.

I spent a week road tripping with Brittany in West Texas (#spiritualawakening).  We stayed at El Cosmico in Marfa where we met a posse of people who had just quit their jobs (including me and Britt).  We traveled through the most remote area in Texas to the Chinati Hot Springs, where we are sure we encountered a Mountain Lion.  And finally, we drove to Chisos Basin in Big Bend National Park where we hiked the 12-mile South Rim Trail.  It was that exhausted trip down that spurred the idea for this blog.

After West Texas, my husband and I flew to Toronto for my brother in law’s wedding.  The wedding was planned by multiple theatre stage managers and included a flash mob of singers, singing All You Need is Love.  Then off to Thanksgiving with family in NY.  We all know that the holidays bring drama for every family, but I happen to learn a new soap opera worthy piece of information every time I go home.  So, there’s that.

And now I am in my third and final week in Guatemala where I’ve been learning Spanish, living with my friend and traveling to places like the Yoga Forest, which overlooks Lake Atitlan and an active volcano.  There is almost too much that I could write about, but nope – no blog yet.

Am I too busy? Hardly.  My time in Guatemala has been truly mine.  I have five hours of Spanish classes a day but beyond that I am free to do whatever I want.  I haven’t had this much free time since college breaks, so lack of time is not the reason.

SO, if I have content and time, why haven’t I written?   Well, it is called being terrified.  Terrified of judgement, terrified of vulnerability, terrified of the responses from people in my stories, terrified of what I might feel or say, just 100% full of terror.

I have more respect for writers than ever before, because sharing your story, life and opinions with the world is braver than I ever realized.  It isn’t a statement which is fleeting or an impromptu video in which you spout off your gut feelings in a moment.  It is your thoughts, feelings, life on a page – you’ve thought it through, you’ve taken the time to document it and then omg – you post it… for the world to see and judge and comment.

Considering my insides freak out when I think of all these worse-case scenarios, I don’t know what has motivated me to write today.  Maybe it is the hammock and the peaceful environment.  Or it is the conscientious, thoughtful and loving people of the Yoga Forest surrounding me?  Maybe the universe felt like giving me courage in this moment.  I’m not sure, but I’m thankful and I’m doing this.

So here it is, my first “Shitty First Draft” out there in the world.  Now, I will channel my past self from a magnificent House Of Your Heart retreat, where I jumped off a fireplace (my soapbox) and yelled “I am fearless” as I post this sucker on our website.